Technology Resolute

So the company I’m working at—TechRes—released this new product today. Selling it under the slogan “It will make you smarter than Einstein!!”
Bullshit
My personal advice to anyone reading this is to NOT to get these injections. Injections that we oh-so-passionately called ‘Satan’s Sperm’ around the office; You see before the Human trials, we had Animals trails and I would say 90% of the original “Test Subjects” died within the first 48 hours.
One of the first animals to survive the testing was a Pit-bull named “Thor.” This poor pooch last a good two weeks into the trials—I think the actual number of days was 13—couldn’t walk, he developed cataracts in his eyes, and he began to howl at nothing. And the weirdest fucking part of this whole thing came on day 13. One of the Lab Assistance found the pooch split down the middle in-between a God Damn wall.
And the fucking things don’t even how they say they do, you have a 1 in 30 chance of either becoming smart as Albert or as dumb as a fucking post—or bursting into a ball of flames, or getting split in two, or just disappearing off the face of the earth.
So once again, I will advice all of you to NOT get these injections, ever. Even if your life deepened on getting them Don’t!